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Welcome Back!  Maestro Filmworks is proud to open the fall season with a new monthly installment of Project Forte featuring Sofiya Abena Ballin (she/her) a compelling storyteller across multiple mediums, thriving right here in Philadelphia.   Sofiya has evolved through creative writing and journalism, to production and editing, taking fierce care of the valuable human stories she excavates.  Her project, Black History Untold, was born to print but has since blossomed into film, immersing the viewer into an intimate sharing of experience.  Sofiya and her team gather raw perspectives tied to unsung ancestry, bringing the suppressed influences and inspirations of Black lives to us in a full, compelling and emotive way.  These stories, as well as Sofiya’s own journey, create opportunities for empathy amongst us and refresh our understanding of how lush Black history is.  She fought to see her vision fulfilled, overcoming outdated barriers that stifle the change we hope to make in our society.  Work like this encourages new growth and conversation, which we know is a grand beginning not only for our communities but for Sofiya Ballin.

Written and Edited by Kate Feher

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Kris Mendoza:          So how long have you been writing? Can you give me a little bit of background on your work?

Sofiya Ballin:    Growing up, acting was always my passion and my love. I was able to stay involved in drama by taking acting classes but sort of moved that creativity to the back of my mind because, as a child of immigrants, there was an expectation to gear toward becoming a doctor or lawyer. But I did start writing poetry in high school as an outlet when I was being picked on and that medium stuck for me. I joined the Newspaper Club and garnered a friend group that supported what I was doing: kinda trying to figure out why we think the way we do and using journalism as the method to explore and investigate that.

I went to Temple University, majored in journalism, wrote for a local music magazine, ran a blog for Huffington Post, and freelanced here and there while going to school. I was interning at the Daily News when I got hired by The Philadelphia Inquirer. It’s funny though, I actually cried my first day because, as much as I love reporting, I still didn’t know if it was what I wanted. It felt a little stuck behind a desk and not as creative as I wanted to be.  Despite being worried that I’d get too comfortable,  I stayed with the Inquirer, and benefitted from a whirlwind of experiences. I got to interview everyone from Tyler Perry to Whoopi Goldberg and Tamron Hall. And of course, while I was there, I started one of my most important projects centered on Black History.

Essentially,  I was asked by my editors to produce a few write-ups for Black History Month . I just remember it centering on the same figures we typically discuss around February, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, etc. These people are all prolific. But part of me was like, “Really?” 

Kris Mendoza:           This is stuff we learned 20 years ago in school, right? That’s nothing new.

Sofiya Ballin:    Exactly, right?  Black history is treated a lot like the plastic Christmas tree you have in your basement that you just dust off like, “Oh, it’s Christmas.” But what I know about Black history and Black culture is so vibrant and so colorful. I said to myself, “You know what? This year I’ll do it their way. But next year, I’ll do it differently…” And that eventually became Black History Untold. 

I got inspired by my own experience growing up in a Jamaican household where I was learning so much about Black American history, African history, and Caribbean history. And then when I went to school, I wasn’t getting that. I was getting those same four or five figures, right?  It wasn’t as comprehensive, and I was seeing the impact of that on students and especially Black students and how they saw themselves. How does it impact your psyche when you’re taught that your legacy, your lineage began in shackles?

I realize the impact of losing parts of your history.  It affects what you know about yourself, how you view yourself, and your level of confidence, especially as a Black person in this world. How does a queer Black kid feel like they’re seen and accepted if they don’t know about Bayard Rustin, who  wasn’t  mainstream news coverage until now.  He was a queer civil rights leader working alongside Martin Luther King? 

So that next year, I decided to interview Black people, and investigate their untold Black history. I think there have been many half-truths spread in schools, but we learn it outside in our communities and from our families by hearing the personal histories that changed them. We live in a very anti-Black world. And then this is a very anti-Black country, where every day you’re told overtly or covertly, that you’re not good enough, that you’re a criminal, that you’re too much. We are consistently told these lies about ourselves. So I wanted Black people to share the stories that changed how they viewed themselves, and how it got them where they are.

Kris Mendoza: Where did you start looking for those stories?

Sofiya Ballin: So I put together a dream list, and pitched it to the Philadelphia Inquirer, and they loved it. We kept it Philly specific with a mix of celebrities like Jazmine Sullivan and Marc Lamont Hill and also  everyday dope people. I don’t know if you know the actor and activist Jesse Williams..

Kris Mendoza:           Yeah, I do.

Sofiya Ballin:    A lot of people don’t know he went to Temple and he taught in Philadelphia schools, so he was perfect. I said, oh Black Thought, it’d be great to have him…. and all of these people said yes!  Black Thought talked about reading Cheikh Anta Diop’s work and realizing, “I don’t come from a ‘dark continent’. I come from a continent where math and science was innovated.” Jazmine Sullivan talked about Negro Spirituals and how the messaging and music impacts her, not only as a singer but as a songwriter, to be intentional about the messaging she puts in her music.

Kris Mendoza:           That’s inspiring, is there a repository where all these exist?

Sofiya Ballin:    You can find the independent installments at blkhistoryuntold.com. Those first two installments would be on Philly.com. That year I produced it with The Philadelphia Inquirer and it had a great response. I was getting letters from the penitentiary to the nursing home. Second year, I introduced themes… I did it through the lens of Black joy. That’s when I had Malcolm Jenkins, a former Philadelphia Eagle, and Sonia Sanchez. 

At the time, this was 2016, I was one of the few young Black reporters at The Inquirer.  I had to compromise, ask for permission, explain things, and create a vision that, to me, didn’t fit how I wanted it to be or how I, as a Black person, felt that Black people would want to be depicted. I wanted to get out from under the restrictions and focus on the work, so I aimed to introduce film and produce independently down the line. I think film is so incredible, just capturing the emotional attachment we have with our history and our identity. It’s so sacred.

A lot of these revelations and these interviews are very emotional, and I wanted to capture that and show the beauty of that.  There are so many times when I’m interviewing people, and hear, “For the first time I saw myself as someone to be revered  – For the first time, I saw myself, my people, in a different light  –  For the first time I feel like I have a better sense of who I am.” 

Kris Mendoza:           It’s interesting you say that, right? Because some of these people, they’re already celebrities, and influencers and politicians in the limelight. So for them to share those moments for the first time is very telling as to who’s controlling the narrative and what’s out there; not only for the general public, but for fellow Black folk to consume.  It’s very important work, what you created, can you tell us about getting it to video?

Sofiya Ballin:    So after the second installment in 2018, as the project began winning awards, the newsroom became more supportive of the project and wanted to plan for the next year… And I said,  “I quit.”

Kris Mendoza:           What did that feel like?

Sofiya Ballin:    It was the scariest, boldest thing I’ve ever done, but I wanted to protect the project. Also, I was growing, myself. I wanted to introduce video work,  and that wasn’t where The Inquirer was at that time.  I managed, by the grace of God, to produce the project independently, still as portraits and text but without the salary I had, and fully self-funded. 

For my second independent installment, I linked up with the Brooklyn Nets to do a New York specific series. It was so wild. I got an email at 5 am.. And when I tell you, I read this and I thought I was going delusional. It was an email from the former  CMO Elizabeth Brooks, writing to say she has been googling untold Black history, and wanted to tell Black History in a more intentional way.  Similar to the Christmas tree analogy, she didn’t want it to just be the same thing, every year. 

The Brooklyn Nets had the capital for me to bring on a photographer I really admired, Joshua Kissi, who then brought on a DP, Emmanuel Afolabi, who I now still have a  working relationship with.  And once I saw the stories expressed with emotion, through music and video, I couldn’t go back. I think the medium just complemented the project so beautifully and the audience was able to connect better.

So that’s how I got into the film industry – I had no experience or academic background in film production. It was a challenge. I had a larger team of people behind the project at The Inquirer, a 200 year old company with wide reach and resources and when I left, it was just my photographer, myself, and my friend (Temi Oyelola) was a graphic designer.  As the project gained more support, I started slowly building my team up to 13 people.  I learned how to produce and direct, made some expensive mistakes but I also know I have great instincts. I think that it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. It’s really, really beautiful work. 

Kris Mendoza:           Hearing about your trajectory is so important, because the value of storytelling – whether you’re writing for a newspaper or teasing out for video – is preserving the voice and experience of a person.  A large part of Project Forte is telling your story as it connects to the ones you are working to tell, like every story is important and adds to the fuller understanding of the human experience.

Sofiya Ballin:    Yes, sure the project has some household names, but I’ve also had everyday people. It’s important to treat the story as valid no matter what your tax bracket is.  No matter what your visibility level is, the purpose is to show that though we are different  we also share similarities that are part of the Black/African experience. 

It also helped that we were a young Black crew, and I do think people felt more comfortable sharing their stories fully in that space. 

Kris Mendoza:           I’m glad you bring that up because there’s a question, not only around which stories are being told, but who is qualified to tell them. There’s no shortage of Black people, Asian people, or Brown people in this field, they’re only lost in the sea of the status quo, which just so happens to be very White-male driven, not even in an anti-White or anti-White-male approach. It’s present in examples of big budget Hollywood films coming out about Asian experiences: the cast may be billed as an all-Asian crew and maybe it’s filmed in Asia, but when the director at the top is “someone-Goldberg” it seems like they completely missed the point.  What if Do the Right Thing was made by a White director and not by Spike Lee, it’d be completely different, right?

There’s a respectable way to tell stories of other cultures without having to be in that culture, so I’m not saying these films fail to make a difference, but I’d certainly like to see change reach the more powerful positions. 

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah, I’m always shocked whenever I see these documentaries with “White hipster guys” going to Haiti or Thailand-

Kris Mendoza:           “White Savior” tropes

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah. I’m like, “Why are we still doing this?” It’s upsetting. With Black History Untold there have been really powerful moments shared because our crew created such a welcoming and comfortable environment just by being Black and open to hearing the story. We interviewed a man for our Revolution Series who was wrongfully convicted of a crime and spent over 20 years behind bars.  He said, “Some people get caught with drugs and all they get is a slap on the wrist, but if you or me …”  And when he said “you or me” he was acknowledging us behind the scenes. That we too could have been in a similar situation. It was a simple acknowledgement  that expressed that he knew we understood him. It was something really small but I took note of the fact that he felt he didn’t have to explain too much.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve noticed that people hold back in certain ways if there isn’t that level of familiarity and understanding.  You feel like you can’t be fully transparent. There’s a direct link between the environment and crew, to the raw, honest material we get.   

Kris Mendoza:           That’s a huge point.

Sofiya Ballin:    When I did pitch the project the first time, I had a hard time with The Inquirer… I said I wanted all Black people on the project and they were like, “Great, and we can add white people and Asian people and have them talk about Black history…

I had to be more specific and make it an identity series. Black history impacts Black people in a very specific way, and that’s what I want to explore. For some reason, when it comes to discussing our culture and our history there’s this need to diversify it. I think it makes it feel like less of a threat to people who are caught up in their white guilt.  But that’s not my business. 

Historically in the press, Black people have been misrepresented or underrepresented so at  the very least, let Black History Month be a time where we hear Black voices. Oftentimes, when our stories are not told by us, you can tell. It feels like an outside gaze. It can present as exoticization. The stereotypes and sensationalized versions of Black people are what’s presented. It’s an idea of us. But it’s not us.  When we tell our stories, with full agency, it feels like home. For some people, these stories are home. When people watch our work, it hits a chord in them, it speaks to a place inside that only someone who is of that experience can understand.

And again, it doesn’t mean that someone who isn’t of a specific culture can’t help create something great. Especially if they’re intentional and do their research. I think that different people have different perspectives.  But we have to get to the point where we have all those seats at the table,  before we can really have that conversation. Because right now, only white people have had that chance in America. It’s mostly white men in the director’s chair, right? 

Kris Mendoza:           I dig. You mentioned the word exoticize, and I see that as connected to another issue.  For corporations, it could become performative and miss the point.  Having a diversity division makes a company look good, but once they push all our people of color to the forefront and take all their photos, posting everywhere… Will it continue every day or will it become another Pride Month or Black History Month?  Will this behavior be sealed off into the realm of “special occasion” which we forget during the “normal” day?

Is it the lesser of two evils, to see it as performance and accept it anyway because of the good it still does? 

Sofiya Ballin:    That was a big motivator for my project, because the way we celebrated Black History Month, felt very much like, “Oh, the time has come. So let’s just put this up so the coloreds can be happy.” It doesn’t feel intentional.

Kris Mendoza:           It becomes a Hallmark holiday.

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah, it doesn’t feel real.  It doesn’t feel personal. And therefore, it defeats the purpose of helping others learn what really happened in this country and is still happening. Personally, I don’t do something just to do it. I’m very intentional about every decision that I make. And when you talked about performative actions and the lesser two evils, it reminds me of something Martin Luther King said, “It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

Sometimes, unfortunately, it becomes this thing where you have to mandate it before it becomes natural for future generations. I still think in many ways we’re in a place where inclusivity has to be mandated and is treated as an obligation at many companies. Something I heard in the journalism world a lot when people were talking about diversity, I’d hear “We can’t find them. We can’t find them.”

Kris Mendoza:           Like there’s not enough?

Sofiya Ballin:   “There’s not enough!” (they say) And yet I know so many of them! And they are so ridiculously talented, right? And overqualified! 

A lot of these newsrooms can feel like a white boys’ club. And I think that people just look for people with backgrounds like theirs.  What J school did you go to? Or what film school did you go to? Instead of realizing one, not everybody has all those resources… 

Kris Mendoza:           It becomes very homogenous very quickly if you’re not trying.

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah. One: not everyone has access to those universities, to those networks. And two: culturally, different people have told  stories and passed down history in different ways,  you know what I mean? And just because it may not be an important story to you or it’s not told in the way you’re used to, doesn’t mean it’s not a story within a community or that it’s not told well. Space needs to be made for that.

Kris Mendoza:           Exactly.  Let’s transition into some of the stuff you’re working on now and what’s next for you. I read your bio and loved that line – a dose of trap and a sprinkle of Black girl magic. We’ve talked a lot about your project and your approach to winning space for Black people, but you have not once really mentioned even being a woman in the midst of all this. What’s that extra layer like?  There’s a quote I’ve seen a lot recently, stating “The Black woman is the most disrespected person in society.”  Can you unpack how that relates to you and how does that reflect in your work?

Sofiya Ballin:    That’s such a deep, deep question. And that’s a Malcolm X quote.I think that I’ve realized more as I’ve gotten older, through the many ways that I am treated, that there’s a sensitivity growing within me over this. Especially when it comes to directing. That is the big one, because not everyone takes well to a woman leading. 

Kris Mendoza:           Black or not, just women in general.

Sofiya Ballin:    Women in general. And being a Black woman adds an extra layer.  I have to get myself out of it and remind myself, “Sofiya you can’t be mousy. When you want something done, say it… be firm about it.”   But I have such a great team because they encourage me.  My camera ops, Lou Peluyera , who’s a good friend of mine, will be like, “Sofiya, it’s okay. You’re good at this. You know what you’re doing. Just be confident.”

And then I think when you add being a Black woman as your leader, especially on the business end, people will really try to take advantage of you. And people will really try to low ball you for your work. I have a lawyer friend who I’m constantly having to reach out to, to work with me on contracts, or to make sure I get paid because I have, in the past, done work for someone on good faith that they would pay me or pay me my worth.

So I’ve learned that doesn’t always happen, right? And I’m like, this is what I learned in my African American studies classes. This is what I’ve been writing about. But I’m living it, right? I’m actually watching people tell me they want to pay me nothing or a really low rate, but then in the next breath telling someone else they’re going to be paid more. That is disrespect.

We produced Black History Untold: Love , our 1 hour and 10 minute doc and interviewed 13 couples, and we did it in three or four days. It was a lot, but it was planned to a T.  So it was very exhausting production, but also exhausting because of the mental demands of “bracing myself” sometimes for how people would combat or communicate with me… people outside of my team. 

To be honest I might have to take a break this year, because it was just so much. We saw what happened May through June with George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. It pushed me that year because I was like, “People need to talk about Black love.” But also with Breonna Taylor specifically, I was reminded of this woman named Oluwatoyin Salau. She’s a Nigerian-American woman I wrote about in the Washington Post, who was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and killed. I did so much research involving how many Black women and girls are missing, it’s this trajectory of… 

Kris Mendoza:           It’s a pattern.

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah, it’s a pattern of erasure and disrespect. And it’s not because you don’t have a voice, but because people don’t want to listen to you. Oluwatoyin Salau said she needed help, before she was kidnapped.  Breonna Taylor was killed in her home. And the reason why people kept pushing her name, is because so often when Black women and girls are killed in general and by the police, people don’t really rally around them the same. And why is that? 

It’s a lot to be thrown into the understanding of this bigger picture and suddenly see my place in it, noticing how people are talking to me.  I’ve become more and more sensitive to it. 

Being a Black woman is an absolute gift, especially as a storyteller. Ava DuVernay has a quote about how as a Black woman you can… It’s almost like you see everything, right? I know what it’s like to be a woman, I know what it’s like to be a person of color.  And that finds its way into my stories.

I wouldn’t trade being a black woman for anything. I hate the way the world treats us, I think we deserve better. We do a lot of incredible work, and we don’t get paid for it. We don’t get recognized. But I think that it’s truly been a gift to my storytelling and my life, especially the way that it’s made me really see the world. What I’ve experienced behind the scenes, I can take that and put that in my work, creating something specific to that.

Kris Mendoza:           So, as you were saying in the beginning, this is where you draw your strength from. This is what motivates you. But I do see, when you talk about that Black girl magic, this is the source… It’s kind of like your blessing and your curse of what drives you, why you are so outspoken.

As an artist, and as a writer, as a filmmaker, I definitely think that identity as a Black female can certainly be a thumbprint all over your work. There’s no separating your identity from your work. No matter what, if it’s very culture focused, female focused or not, I feel like everything is very strongly through the lens of what only you can tell. 

Sofiya Ballin:    I think as a Black woman in this industry, in journalism and film, in any industry, shit, it’s so important to be confident in yourself. And it’s so important to trust. And I say this all the time but trust your vision and trust your voice. And it’s something that I’m still working on because the world won’t validate it, right? Even with this project in the beginning, I was told, “It’s not going to work. It’s just not.” When I left my job, the first thing one of the editors told me was, “I think this is a horrible idea.” I have to constantly push and prove my bankability, prove the value of my work.

Kris Mendoza:           You’re wearing a weighted vest with everything you’re doing. A double weighted vest even – when everyone else is running.

Sofiya Ballin:   Exactly, exactly, exactly. And that’s why Black women get the title of strong all the time. Because they’re carrying around that extra weighted vest. But every time someone compliments a Black woman on her strength, I’m like, “That’s a time that she’s struggled and you or someone else didn’t help carry the load.” 

And that’s where I think the ally-ship comes in. And I think Black women try to do that for each other. 

Kris Mendoza:           Last question here, what’s next for you? What’s on the slate for Sofiya?

Sofiya Ballin:    Yeah. I’m in such an interesting place entering this film world. I’ve mastered writing and I still want to keep doing this project. I’m just trying to solidify the system, if that makes sense. I think that I’ve been very integral to all of the pieces and I want to get to a point where it kind of runs itself. So for the future, I think that I’m going to be refining Black History Untold.

I’m also  writing the script for a short film that I’m really passionate about. It goes into Jamaican culture and being first generation. I really am a storyteller of all the mediums. And now I think the next step is figuring out how to become an octopus, and how to do a little bit of all of them. Because that’s when I feel my happiest and that’s when I feel like I’m living my true purpose.

 Carrie Brennan is a filmmaker working in New York and Philadelphia, who got her start exploring stand-up, but her chops in storytelling through writing, acting, and producing her own experiences.  Carrie’s golden rule is to tell the truth and in doing so, model its possibilities for those who struggle to find their own.  This month on Project Forte we look to LGBTQ+ stories, of which Carrie is a valiant protector, and the parade couldn’t have come at a better time!  This community has experienced many evolutions of persecution and Carrie reminds us all that we can be proud of the progress seen today, while constantly pushing forward.  Her message is one of hope for all communities to feel safe in their expression, their identities, and their future.

Written and Edited by Kate Feher

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Carrie Brennan:         My name’s Carrie Brennan. I go by the pronouns she/her, and I was the writer, producer, and actor for Block, the film.

Kris Mendoza:           Could you tease Block a little bit, talk a little about the project? What did you set out to do and where are you now with it?  It seems like you’re premiering in two weeks! 

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah! Okay – I will try to be succinct with this, just give me a hand if we move onto hour two. [jokes] But anyway, so Block is a coming-out LGBTQ story that I wrote. It’s a 43 minute featurette, and the mission for this story is to inspire people to see the best in themselves and to love themselves. 

Kris Mendoza:           Oh, I didn’t realize it was that long. Nice.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. Yeah. I wrote it about my life, my experience coming out of the closet, but really, it’s just a story about what it means to struggle with something that other people might not know about and the good stuff that comes from loving yourself and expressing your truth. I wrote it in 2016 as I was coming out, writing as I experienced, and then we filmed in 2019. Classic indie post-production took a year, which led us up to 2020. Like I said, the mission of the film was always to bring it to the people. Of course I always wanted to do the film festival route, but also bring it to therapist organizations, schools, high schools, parent/teacher meetings, places like that – grassroots stuff.  We had a pretty nice lineup planned to target that for 2020, and then COVID happened. So, we put a pause on everything and instead, put together a virtual premiere in March of 2021. We just thought at that point, the community had been suffering and needed it. We hadn’t had our people together in so long that it just came down to – we want the people to have this story now.

We are actually hosting our first in person premiere this Pride month on june 22nd! We’re going to show the film, followed by a Q&A with the cast and crew, and we’ve got a DJ lined up as well, so we can kick off pride and dance the night away.

Kris Mendoza:           And where can people buy tickets, or is it open to the public?

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Tickets are on sale! Blockthefilm.com/tickets, and It’s on our Instagram Bio.  I’m just really grateful that you gave me the opportunity to talk about a thing that I love. I love this stuff so much –

Kris Mendoza:           I can feel it! I feel the passion coming out… It’s infectious!  So now, tell us how you got started in this crazy industry?

Carrie Brennan:         Good question. I started off wanting to do stand-up comedy, actually. I quit business school my sophomore year of college and did a bunch of stand-up around the philly area- just hustling to as many open mics and student films as I could. I was out in California for a little bit, graduated college, and then went to an acting school called Playhouse West Philadelphia, and that’s when I fell in love with storytelling. It really kicked off from there and I started studying the craft of acting and just really fell in love with the production process and what stories could do to people… how it could make a difference in their lives..

Kris Mendoza:           And you are a champion of telling LGBTQ+ stories! Can you tell me a little bit about why and how you’ve made that your mission?

Carrie Brennan:         I think that my specificity comes from having experienced the pain of living in the closet, and the sense of realization and security that I felt from seeing people that reflected who I truly was on screen. When I was in 7th grade, I sort of started getting inklings that I might be gay, and with that realization came SO much anxiety. And terror. And fear – fear for mostly, what is my life going to look like? I couldn’t see a future for myself. I felt so trapped by this thing that I never asked for or wanted, and felt like there was no way out, really. Until one day, I saw these two characters on Grey’s Anatomy finally understanding their love for each other . And it was so visceral for me, because not only were they gay characters, but there was a woman on screen who looked like me. Blonde, blue eyes, long hair… I had never seen a lesbian that was feminine before. I just about spit my drink out. And in retrospect, that’s really the power of showing characters on screen who truly express how beautiful and diverse our world is. Right? So really, that changed my life. That was the first time that I realized I could be okay. I mean, I didn’t come out for like 10, 15 years, but I always had that example. It was this thing that I carried with me. I was just really moved by it, honestly, and so, when I did eventually come out at 23, I wanted to just tell stories that would inspire people like I was inspired in seventh grade. I think that’s where it comes from – wanting to tell the truth.

Kris Mendoza:           That’s amazing, in terms of seeing something of yourself on screen. Just last month we were talking to a lot of Asian American filmmakers and, yeah, we didn’t have a lot of role models ourselves. To find a handful at that age like on Grey’s Anatomy… And if I remember correctly, she wasn’t a lesbian in the beginning of the show, right? She came out halfway through, so it’s incredible that her character was given the safe space to realize a fuller, more honest version of herself and to be celebrated for it. For that to be depicted on screen for someone in grade school to see as, I would say normalized, right?  It’s probably very empowering and validating.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. And actually, you hit on something so important, which was not just a gay couple, but a lesbian couple that looked like me in a way that modelled a future for myself. Because in seventh grade, I couldn’t picture a future for myself past 30. 

I remember my friends wanting to go to a fortune teller in that year – This is such a random thought – but I wouldn’t go because I was so scared on a very deep level that the fortune teller would say, “Oh, apparently reading your palm, you’re going to be gay. You’re going to marry a woman and you’re going to have this number of kids.”

Kris Mendoza:           Haha, You didn’t want them to be there for that.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah, exactly. I’d be like ohhh no I wasn’t ready for that, but that’s why it’s so important not only to have LGBTQ films, but make those films with LGBTQ+ characters who are not just white. It’s not enough to just to make a white male lead gay in a script, and call it a day. We’ve got to create LGBTQ+ films that actually represent what we actually are, and how diverse and beautiful our community really IS.  

Kris Mendoza:           Absolutely. Can you talk about why it is so important that folks within the LGBTQ community be the ones harboring this narrative and telling it themselves as opposed to people who aren’t in the community?

Carrie Brennan:         I think the best storytelling hinges on telling the truth – the ugly, messy, embarrassing, vulnerable truth. It’s not to say that straight people can’t tell LGBTQ+ stories, but what’s the intention behind it? Are you trying to check a box? Are you trying to be “good?” What about this story is personal and important to you?  Why do you really want to tell it? 

I’ve met straight people who have told incredible LGBTQ+ stories, and straight people that have absolutely butchered LGBTQ+ stories and hurt people along the way. It’s so delicate because these are  people’s lives you’re dealing with. Just as much power as responsibility, or whatever that spider man quote is…but the people who work on LGBTQ+ films and do a great job always have some sort of very very deep personal connection to the struggle, or the celebration, or the community. Without it, there’s no motor. 

Kris Mendoza:           Absolutely. Can you tell me a little about your personal work? What are you most passionate about in terms of approaching a project, collaborating with people, and sharing it with the world?

Carrie Brennan:         I love writing slice of life LGBTQ+ stories that ultimately inspire people to see the best in themselves. That is my motor, that’s my north.  I’ve always erred on the side of writing from my own experience or from stuff that has happened in my life too..  

Kris Mendoza:           You write what you know.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah! Exactly. And I’m really inspired by slice of life movies. I love when everyday things are cinematic like, for instance the shows Fleabag and Broad City. You get to open up someone’s brain and see, “Oh yeah, this is what’s going on” and recognize how relatable it is to your own experience.

How I choose movies and projects  usually goes like… If I know in my gut it’s something that will inspire people to see the best in themselves and love themselves and it’s queer and it’s personal, AND got a great crew, then I know it’s something that I’m going to work really hard on because I care about it. 

Kris Mendoza:           I don’t know if it’s happenstance, but it seems intentional that you choose to work with.. not only other LGBTQ people but a lot of… well, the most women I’ve seen on a cast and crew, which is just amazing for a project. What are your thoughts on the current representation you see in this industry, not just behind the camera, but also in front, as a producer, writer, and actor? You see both sides of it. 

Carrie Brennan:         I think we’re “good, getting better.” I think the progress that we’ve seen in the past, even just two years, is good.   I have definitely had more people asking for female crew members specifically, which is great. But I have friends directing commercials who are still, 9 times out of 10, the only women on set of more than 100 people. I think the biggest room for growth is the intention behind WHY we want to see more women on set. I think real progress will be made when people realize that certain stories are actually meant to be told by a woman not to check a box, but because the female eye might elevate the story.

Monica [O’Hara] and I wanted women on our crew because it was the best way to tell this story.  We found our crew naturally. These people were in our lives and as I would tell them about this project they’d come on board saying, “this is something that I resonate with on a personal level, on an emotional level.”  I would meet with a friend, and she might tell me about going through this really tough time – so I’d share – “Here’s what I’m trying to do with this story.” Those interactions came from the heart. Those women shared emotions or feelings about it, and it just came together that way. 

Kris Mendoza:           I definitely stalked you prior to this interview, and you posted recently about your aunt in terms of… I don’t want to take your story away from you, but in terms of someone who helped navigate and help you find a community. I think you said when you were seven she was going to… well, she knew she needed to be around for you at a certain point in your life. Unfortunately, I think there are some people that don’t have someone like that in their family or a role model at all, so can you talk to me about this person being, not only a family member, but also just being someone who helped you navigate that part of your life?

Carrie Brennan:         I love that you saw the pride people story. I think that’s awesome. Growing up, it was always just “Aunt Mary Ellen and Amy”  – my family wasn’t so pride-forward in the sense that we were marching in parades, but it was what it was. I think towards the later years, I knew, in a way – on a very deep level, that she knew, and I was like, “I think she’s on to me.” She would ask me things like, “Oh, anyone new in your life?” instead of saying, “So, any guys-

Kris Mendoza:           Do you have a boyfriend? Yeah.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. So on this very deep level, I was like, “Oh my God, she knows.” And I didn’t even really know at that time. There was a consonance. It showed me the importance of having a role model who is not only like you, but also who has a loving relationship themselves and normal ups and downs like anyone else. I think you just need one person to show you that you’re not alone. It’s astronomical what it can do to a kid’s life. I think I would be a lot worse off had I not had my Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Paul to just show me the way without showing me the way… without saying, “Hey kid-

Kris Mendoza:           “This is how you’re supposed to do it.”

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. And “I think you’re gay.” And when I did eventually come out to her, it was just a, “Great! amazing!” – such a positive thing. It was like, “now you’re going to be able to be a deeper level of yourself, a freer version, and I’m so excited for this and for you.” It was like a celebration versus a death. And that’s what I think scares so many people about coming out: they think all they know is this life, and it’s frightening to give all that up for a hope that it could be better. When you have someone to look up to, and just to know that hey, this is possible, it can make all the difference in the world. 

Kris Mendoza:           That’s empowering. So, you posted that she said, when you came out, “Pack your bags, you’re going to P-town?”  What is P-town? What happens in P-town? I want to know!

Carrie Brennan:         Yes! P-Town, it’s called Provincetown, P-Town for short. It’s just a very gay beach town. And they have this one event every year called Baby Dyke Weekend, and it’s where all the young lesbians come down for a beach weekend. It’s literally like Mardi Gras. It’s like gay Disneyland. At the time I was still living in West Chester and I didn’t really have many gay friends, and she just said, “Get your shit together. We’re going. 

We’re doing this. We’re going to go down to the beach. I’m going to introduce you and to just get you into the community.”  And it was amazing to just be surrounded by people that were like me. She knew from the time I was running around in my backyard as a kid -I had a snapback hat and my brother’s Jordan Jersey like a huge dress on me. She literally leaned over to her girlfriend and was like, “Someday, she may need us.” And her girlfriend was like, “Yeah, maybe.” And it was like this joke, but however many years later, it was true. And I always say, like, my mom gave birth to me, but my aunt gave birth to my soul. She’s like my soul mom.

Kris Mendoza:           And this is your mom’s sister?

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. My mom’s sister.

Kris Mendoza:            Yeah. How fitting!

Carrie Brennan:         I know, right?

Kris Mendoza:           Are there people in the film and television industry that are, whether they’re loud voices or not even in the LGBTQ scene, is there anyone who inspires you or you aspire to?

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah. I would say off the bat, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer inspire me so much, even since I was in the closet during college. They’re the writer/ producer/actors who started this TV show called Broad City, which began as a web series. They just put it up on YouTube and the community grew from that seed. They didn’t have a lot, but they were so resourceful with the things that they had, and they paid people in pizza –  like classic – just pulling stuff together to tell stories. They’re hysterical.

It was picked up by Comedy Central where they played larger than life versions of themselves and they just used what they had. They are role models to me in the sense that they work their asses off and they tell the truth. Abbi actually did an episode towards the later half of the series in which she came out, but she did it in such an off the nose way, talking about hats like, “I always thought you were a hat girl.”  It was just so great the way they did it. I’m so inspired by them.

I’ve met Abbi a couple of times just in book signings and stuff like that. She is exactly who she is all the time. She doesn’t change for anyone, and I just think that’s really hard to do – especially when you have such a big following – to not lose yourself or get overwhelmed. It’s a dream of mine to work with her some day…of course gotta just throw that out there right into the universe.

Kris Mendoza:           I don’t think people realize that this is not just on the LGBTQ side, but ethnically and gender-wise too. I’ve been talking to a lot of different folks who say, “I didn’t have anyone to look up to when I was younger in the industry,” or “I didn’t see myself in it.” Now they are, themselves, in the industry, realizing maybe it’s not just kids, it could be peers also who are looking to you for inspiration as a role model. It’s good that you’ve made it part of your mission, part of who you are. 

So let me turn it around full circle here. You’ve been doing this for a little bit now, telling stories you’re passionate about, telling stories that you know, writing things that are near and dear to you. How often does it cross your mind, the responsibility or maybe privilege that you are a role model, not just for a young, aspiring filmmaker, but for any young person who may not know how to navigate this new part of their life?

Carrie Brennan:         I think about it all the time. I think about it every day. I will stop when every kid born into this world no longer has to hide who they love or question their self-worth based on who they love. That’s where I’m at. Whether it’s 2020 or 2080, whatever. That’s my motor. That’s what keeps me up at night. That’s what I’m working for.

So, I feel really honored. I feel hella privileged. But I’m still trying to navigate it myself. It’s still a struggle for me. After I came out, I was like, “Oh, well, I’m good. I made Block. I’m not going to have any blocks in my life now.” And I remember my therapist laughing and being like, “Oh honey, you haven’t even started dating. Get ready.”

Kris Mendoza:             Ha, that’s so great. I can sense your passion, your pride in finding yourself and moving on to help others. It’s inspiring for me, so what does this month mean to you? How have you seen it evolve and become more visible? Has it become a hallmark holiday? 

Carrie Brennan:         It’s definitely changed over the past few years, turning away from a corporate check about history. The coolest part about this pride is that it feels less like a season, like Christmas where we all see green and red for a while. It’s not like rainbows start shooting out of places just because it’s June. This year feels a btt different. like everyone is taking a second to understand the why of what we’re celebrating. That’s what’s made this pride month feel richer, in a way, because people are taking the time to learn about Stonewall and what people went through in order just to love, just to experience what it’s like to love without fear. 

Kris Mendoza:           Can I ask you why there’s a difference this year, in your opinion?

Carrie Brennan:         I think a lot of it started with the Black Lives Matter movement last year.   People were looking at their privilege and saying  ” ok,There are other people here, and look how far ahead I am just because I’m White or just because I have money or just because I don’t look like this person.”  There’s a deeper richness that comes from trying to unpack that and realizing the world isn’t just straight white men.  There are a lot of layers to it and I’lll be the first to admit im on step 1 of a thousand ringed ladder though, but working towards it.

Kris Mendoza:           I’m glad you made that connection because I’ve listened to a lot of diverse stories and there’s definitely a binding struggle. I do think Covid and quarantine brought a lot of people silence and the opportunity to question life and look for more meaning. Me Too, The Black Lives Matter, and Stop Asian Hate movements have all come to the surface in recent years, so that silence became a tipping point. I think that’s ultimately where we are, and I hope it’s just the beginning in terms of people being really intentional and conscious of it. The next step is what communities, companies, and politicians do about it.

Carrie Brennan:         Yeah, that’s really what’s important. It’s a wild, wild west right now in all aspects of life, but we needed to shake things up so, so badly. 2019 was like… everyone was on a hamster wheel, refusing to slow down. It’s like trying to get someone’s attention, but the world was not stopping for anything. And then COVID hit and we were quarantined, with all the variables of life held still and it’s just like you’re floating in space, Right? We suddenly had time to look at what was really going on.

I think The point of understanding our history in pride month is not to shove it down people’s throats and not to show straight people that they’re bad.

The point of it is to say, “Look at how beautiful this LGBTQ community is – how bad things were that the Stonewall riots had to happen.”

And look how far we’ve come even in the midst of all that noise. These people were willing to risk their whole lives just because they knew their truth. Their hearts were so strong!  That’s an amazing thing, and that’s worth celebrating. So, hell yeah, we’re going to celebrate! We’re not going to do it just because it’s June, we’re going to do it because WOW!  And I think that’s a passion that comes from learning and understanding, so potentially – everyone can join in with pride, and celebrate that progress, but also join with us in continuing to fight for progress as well!

Kris Mendoza:       And with that, I want to wish you a Happy Pride Month!

This week’s Project Forte continues a celebratory Pride Month with Calvin Woodruff (he/they), an editor and camera assistant currently living and working in Philadelphia.  Our City of Brotherly Love boasts many unique communities and it remains imperative, especially in the face of exposed animosity around the globe, that we provide support and safety to the menagerie of folk and their stories.  Calvin has been working to do just that for their community, creating safe sets which relieve anxiety and build confidence.  As our industry grows right here in Philly, we all have an opportunity to support this initiative and grow a different kind of set from the ground up.  This is a time of great reform and recognizing someone’s identity must change from a tactic of weaponization to one of love and celebration so that we can better relate to one another and serve each other.

Written and Edited by Kate Feher

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Cal Woodruff:           My name’s Calvin Woodruff. I am an editor, assistant editor, and camera assistant, and I use he/him or they/them pronouns.

Kris Mendoza:           Cal, thanks for taking the time, officially kicking our relationship off with Project Forte. Can you tell me a little about your story, how you got into the film industry?

Cal Woodruff:           I really developed a passion for editing, to start with, in my teen years and instantly knew what I wanted to do because I just loved it, so I went full-force into that. I ended up going to Temple University for film and psychology. My parents are both psychologists, so I had a nice little backup plan just in case. But I feel like learning about psychology has also really helped on film sets and within the industry in general, because you have to deal with so many different personalities. I began my career freelancing, mostly as an editor and also as a script supervisor. 

Kris Mendoza:           What kind of projects do you find yourself working on, and what do you enjoy working on?

Cal Woodruff:           I did anything I could get my hands on while I was in school, but aimed for shooting a lot of queer events, drag, theater, and those types of shows. One of my mentors, Kelly Burkhardt, is an executive producer and was the photographer for a drag troupe I filmed for. She took me under her wing and led me to co-producing and script supervising on my first feature, which was a gay-themed drama called Beautiful Something. She used to work for TLA Releasing, which did a lot of queer films, so I had someone modeling that you can be LGBTQ and be successful in this business. 

I explored script supervising, and already knew I loved editing, but one day our camera assistant didn’t show so I gave it a shot and fell in love… It was just such a great skill to learn.  So far, my career has consisted of both camera assisting and assistant editing for documentaries, a few features, and commercials, as well as some TV shows like Queer Eye. I’ve had the pleasure of working on a lot of great short films, mostly queer-related. 

But you know, when I started, I was not out as a trans man. I worked through college and got my name on projects but at a certain point, I had to put those on a shelf because the name wasn’t correct. I transitioned, and going through that process meant I had to reenter the industry at a later age and as my true self. I had to start over because the people I had worked with before didn’t really know who I was. I think that’s definitely a big struggle for a trans person in the film industry. Being out … can be a gamble. I’ve faced bigotry, judgment, assumption… especially looking young as well. There were a number of years where I experienced employment discrimination and I didn’t get called for work because of who I am. But that inconsistency actually led me to carve out my own community within the industry. I consider myself lucky because I was forced to pick up the work that existed on the margins, but those were the projects I cared about and really wanted to work on.

Kris Mendoza: